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The Big Answer


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Reality

an article by our site

People often do not have very realistic ideas about the nature of the people who live on their block or in their community. Ironically, they are aware that there are lots of isolated/lonely singles, step-families, broken homes, drug/alcohol-ruined families, single parent families and unmarried couples in this country because they see it on TV both on the news and in media entertainment. And they know of quite a few actual examples of these in their town because they hear about them in gossip or on local TV channels or in local churches. These people’s kids tell them about even more such examples, which they learn about in their social life and in school, and these people themselves run into such examples in their own social life.

But in spite of all this, people—including those who are examples of such nontraditional families themselves—continue to have a general feeling about the others in their neighborhood (many of whom they don’t know) and community (most of whom they don’t know). It is a feeling of being in a town containing a majority of “good, traditional families.” It’s not necessarily a conscious feeling. If you asked them, they might reply with demographic awareness about the distribution of various family types—and this might include awareness of just how few traditional families exist. But the underlying feeling will often be stronger than their knowledge of reality. This leads these people to make erroneous political and social decisions, as well as to take unnecessary chances in the areas of personal security, child security and home security.

It's hard for this lady to think 'traditional family' thoughts about neighbors when she's scared about her safety
It's hard for this lady to think 'traditional family' thoughts about neighbors when she's scared about her safety

"Images of the traditional family still dominate our televisions and magazines, but they do not represent how most Americans live. In 2002, only 7 percent of all U.S. households consisted of married couples with children in which only the husband worked. Dual-income families with children made up more than two times as many households. Even families with two incomes and no children outnumbered the traditional family by almost two to one." And in 2014, the percent of traditional families is even less. (Source: Traditional Families Account for Only 7 Percent of U.S. Households)

Politicians know how people distort their reality pictures and so they act to please their constituents by feeding their erroneous but well-meaning “spin” on reality
Politicians know how people distort their reality pictures and so they act to please their constituents by feeding their erroneous but well-meaning “spin” on reality

Politicians know how people distort their reality pictures and so they act to please their constituents by feeding their erroneous but well-meaning “spin” on reality. It’s a cycle of misinformation—each notifying the other that “I’ll buy this picture if you will.” And many politicians are “nostalgic conservatives” who know the facts but wish for the good old days so fervently that they feel that if they create public policy as if they were still living in the 50s, then it might somehow force all the nontraditional families to see the error of their ways and revert to their former configuration and character. (This explains why they entered politics in the first place. Their well-meaning but ignorant version of saving the world is time-warping it back to a simpler era they’re more comfortable with.)

No wonder the public seems so confused and nothing ever changes. They're choking on misinformation that comes their way via political manipulation of citizens and via the Culture War!
No wonder the public seems so confused and nothing ever changes. They're choking on misinformation that comes their way via political manipulation of citizens and via the Culture War!

People see what they wish to see or what they need to see. In Maslow-speak, they’re normally or always in the deficiency-cognition state—a symptom of incomplete maturation or self-actualization stemming from having been brought up in midst of authoritarian or permissive or mixed parenting strategies, in a partially dysfunctional, steep-gradient-nurturance-based, isolated nuclear (or other type) family in which parental problems were magnified in kids’ symptomatology, and optimal nurturance for being, understanding, awareness or wisdom was not only absent but unheard of.

The Tofflers have done a magnificent job of explaining the perceptual spin aspect of all this in the context of Second Wave and Third Wave civilization. The future-shocked are still internally living in the past, and trying to manipulate their immediate environment (via pressures, bribes, complaints, etc.) and their more remote environment (via voting for Second-Wave-thinking candidates and giving Second Wave opinions in town meetings and other civic and/or social gatherings) so as to get it to revert back to the good old days.

A man is giving Second Wave opinions in town meetings, trying to prolong traditions forever
A man is giving Second Wave opinions in town meetings, trying to prolong traditions forever

Beyond the subconscious spinning of reality, the actual consciously held opinion that we live in a society of mostly traditional families is still far too widespread—especially among those who feel that way because no other lifestyle seems “right” or “good” to them. Some people still act surprised to find that most mothers work even though this has been true for many decades. Others feel that family dysfunctionality is the exception rather than the rule. This misconception is obviously based upon what people feel the need to believe in order to feel secure in their beds at night: "There aren't really drug users, child abusers, wife beaters, alcoholics, criminals, and emotionally unstable people in MY neighborhood—those people live somewhere else!" Disneyland may be “the happiest place on Earth,” but those who cannot face reality once they return from their vacations there are surely “the most naïve people on Earth.”

Disneyland may be 'the happiest place on Earth,' but those who cannot face reality once they return from their vacations there are surely 'the most naïve people on Earth'
Disneyland may be 'the happiest place on Earth,' but those who cannot face reality once they return from their vacations there are surely 'the most naïve people on Earth'

The truth, as shown by research into the known demographic statistics about all these matters, is a bit of a shock. But further self-deception cannot help matters. Our heads in the sand means that our backsides are singularly vulnerable.

Our heads in the sand means that our backsides are singularly vulnerable
Our heads in the sand means that our backsides are singularly vulnerable

Throughout the last few decades of the 20th century, there have been many who thought that things were working fine, and this was based upon their delusions about what most of the people in our society were going through and their repression of what their lives were really like. But then things began to change: More people were saying that things were not working, and confidence that the politicians and government would somehow “fix” things with their social engineering hit unprecedented lows. This is good ("the truth shall set thee free"). Because unless people are willing to see the problems in front of them, the chance for ameliorative action is nil.

Besides, the truth is only unbearable IF THERE IS NO WAY OUT. In other words, are we stuck with the depressing realities of rampant symptoms of cultural dysfunction and lifestyle dysfunction, or can we address the underlying causes and transform our ailing society? If we are indeed stuck, then we may as well continue to indulge in our cocooning rituals in which we stay isolated and lonely in our homes for security, comfort, control, health, rest, retreat, and avoidance. Of course, this won't help matters, nor will it delay the cultural decomposition, but at least we can hide in the comfort of our nests.

A degenerating society leads to fearful cocooning in which we stay isolated and lonely in our homes for security
A degenerating society leads to fearful cocooning in which we stay isolated and lonely in our homes for security

But you have clearly seen that we are not stuck, as of the publication of this website—which has shown that we can deal with our problems and get our society on track. This website and ebook have given this country (initially, and eventually the rest of the world) a way out of the degenerating situation it now finds itself in. The MC plan can and will deal with what ails us. And the faster people get involved in this panacea, the faster our society can get its act together. The only question that remains is not Will it work?, but Will you do your part?

The Prevailing Misconception of local neighbors (often not conscious)
Family #1: Traditional family; no serious problems, no abuse of people or substances; "People are basically good." "The social problems you hear about on TV all the time are in someone else's neighborhood—they're not HERE."
Family #2: Traditional family; no serious problems, no abuse of people or substances; "People are basically good." "The social problems you hear about on TV all the time are in someone else's neighborhood—they're not HERE."
Family #3: Traditional family; no serious problems, no abuse of people or substances; "People are basically good." "The social problems you hear about on TV all the time are in someone else's neighborhood—they're not HERE."
Family #4: Elderly woman living alone except for her dog.
Family #5: Traditional family; no serious problems; no people or substance abuse; "People are basically good." "The social problems you hear about on TV all the time are in someone else's neighborhood—they're not HERE."
Family #6: Traditional family; no serious problems; no people or substance abuse; "People are basically good." "The social problems you hear about on TV all the time are in someone else's neighborhood—they're not HERE."



The Depressing Reality of local neighbors
Family #1: Single-parent; mother's sister lives with family; father is gone through divorce; 3 kids; 3 months(m), 2(f), 4(f); 2(f) is hyperactive; 4(f) is obese; mother is unemployed, on welfare, and feels sick most of the time; family is in poverty and will be unable to pay mortgage next month and will be forced to move to low-rent apartment; mother dislikes her kids and has never properly bonded with them—proper therapeutic intervention could have helped a lot here; kids will grow up—like their mother—turned-off to people; 3 months(m) will be sociopathic in 13 years, turning to crime; mother and her sister smoke regardless of its health effects on the family; family has serious emotional dysfunction.
Family #2: Working married couple; 2 kids; 13(f) and 16(m); father had divorce before this marriage, and he makes advances to his daughter when he's drunk (he succeeded at sexually abusing her once, 2 years ago); 13(f) has a serious eating disorder and normally feels sick—she's learned to resist father but she is very confused about sex, and being an MTV addict doesn't help; mother pretends not to notice all this—alcohol helps her here; 16(m) has used pot the previous month and he abuses alcohol on weekends but he's a good student and popular athlete ; family has serious emotional dysfunction.
Family #3: Empty nesters living with their parents; younger mother had divorce 35 years ago because of frigidity resulting from being molested as a child; younger father has had affairs; all but younger father feel sick most of the time; family has emotional dysfunction.
Family #4: Elderly woman living alone, except for her dog which barks incessantly when either family #2 or family #5 has one of their loud arguments.
Family #5: Stepfamily; each spouse divorced from previous spouse; 4 kids—2 are from previous marriages; 4(m), 6(f), 15(m), 16(f); both 15(m) and 16(f) have seriously considered suicide, both abuse alcohol on weekends; 4(m) and 6(f) are obese; 16(f) is seriously depressed, feels sick most of the time, and is a promiscuous chain-smoker who'll have an illegitimate son in a year—she's already had one abortion; 15(m) has had to intervene twice when father was wife-beating—he's distracted in school and functionally illiterate; in 6 years father will get the HIV virus during one of his affairs—he's had them often and never uses safe sex: "it's too inconvenient"; none of the kids could pass minimum health standard tests; family has serious emotional dysfunction.
Family #6: Traditional family with working father and housewife mother and 2 kids; 14(f), 17(m); 17(m) has seriously considered suicide, has attempted date rape, and has used cocaine during the past month; father is an alcoholic; mother feels sick most of the time and has had 2 affairs; both parents smoke regardless of health influence on family; 17(m) smokes too—he couldn't pass minimum health standard tests; 14(f) is an amateur gymnast; family has emotional dysfunction.



First Generation MC composed of local neighbors
Family #1: Single-parent (father gone); mother's brother and aunt live with family; 2 kids; 2 months(m), 3(f); mother's brother had a tendency to use alcohol and get pushy, but because those around him helped him, and he showed the courage to use the PSB to get active listening when needed, he's learned that loneliness leads to concerned people, not alcohol, negativity and substance abuse; the problem ceases.
Family #2: Working married couple; 3 kids; 11(m), 11(m), 14(f); 14(f) was weak in math but has used PSB communication to get help and has caught up to the others in her class—she also has found out that she likes taking care of little ones in the hub (she likes playing with them—sort of like a second childhood); mother's insomnia problems have disappeared after being in the MC one year—she feels it's due to the security of all the close friends she now has.
Family #3: Empty nesters living with their parents, and loving to take care of the little ones in the hub, having lots of friends to relate to, and tending the incredible MC Japanese garden.
Family #4: Elderly woman living alone (she's the mother of the woman in family #1), except for her dog; the dog used to bark a lot, but clear P.E.T.-type communication from her neighbors got her to take the dog inside when it was noisy—there's no longer a problem.
Family #5: Stepfamily; each spouse is previously divorced; 5 kids—3 are from previous marriages; 1(m), 2(f), 4(m), 13(f), 14(f); 14(f) had peer pressure to abuse alcohol, but she let the strength of MC community support give her the courage to avoid 2 of those friends and convince the other 2 that they were smarter than that—the problem disappeared.
Family #6: Traditional family with working father and housewife mother and one child—16(m); father indulged in affairs until he joined the MC—since then he's learned that having lots of close male and female friends stops him from acting out sexual urges (the latter failed to make him feel CLOSE to anyone).



Second Generation MC composed of local neighbors
Family #1: Working married couple with 3 kids. Mother works at home, writing MC-related kids books. Father is PSB wholesaler. *Galaxy-like, happy life. (Galaxy is the fictitious apartment house based MC where life is working great for all.)
Family #2: Working married couple with 1 kid. Mother writes MC-related TV situation comedies with the help of the couple in family #5. Galaxy-like, happy life.
Family #3: Retired couple with adopted daughter. The 3 of them have chosen to be the area's Local MC Coordinators as part of their close encounters of the third kind. They love facilitating the formation of new MCs and coordinating the relocation of MC aspirants. Galaxy-like, happy life.
Family #4: Empty nesters with wife's mother living with them. She likes caregiving in the hub so much she spends half her time there. Galaxy-like, happy life.
Family #5: Newlywed couple—best college friends with couple in family #1—they're best friends still, but that's now expanded to everyone in the MC. Galaxy-like, happy life.
Family #6: Traditional family with working father and mother that stays in the MC—she loves to be a caregiver and play with lots of MC kids at once; she's considering the writing of a book about MC caregiving, hubs, and the optimal ways to handle the alternate caregiver strategy. Galaxy-like, happy life.